She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
