Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
