Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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