May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I could fuck to npr.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
