I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
