I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
