Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
