I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
