piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
