I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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