you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!