so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
