You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Randomize
