You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
