i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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