I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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