I heard we made out
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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