My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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