Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
