YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
