I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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