new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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