and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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