it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
