so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize