trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
