I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
