I wish I could teleport
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
