I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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