She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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