the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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