ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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