Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
