Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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