I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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