Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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