what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
