Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
