was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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