Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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