Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
