I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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