Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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