took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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