It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
