I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
