so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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