Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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