My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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