TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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