We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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