I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
