I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
