whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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