Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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