you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
