she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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