we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
