Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
