PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
