Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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