Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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