apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
